There have been enough Star Wars films to say what the constants need to be for a good film. The writing of Lawrance Kasdan. Music of John Williams' and subtle camera work. 

With that said, get the jump coordinates from the navi computer and punch it.

My first knee jerk was 10 seconds into the film and no I'm not joking.

The choice not to open with a crawl is a bold one. I understand that these are to be stand alone movies. It makes sense but it's jarring considering we are used to the rhythm of a Star Wars film. Then not to even show the Star Wars logo or that beautiful Rogue One a Star Wars story logo that we've been treated to on the trailers. It's just this horrible hand drawn thing that made me question of the theatre hand accidentally been sent a rough print. This is one of the most petit gripes I've indulged but it just didn't work. Even Star Wars Rebels has the logo.

After a start like hitting a brick wall at light speed, we're in. 

Stars.

Planet.

Title card. Wait - WTF???

Really? I need a title for Yavin 4? You could argue that new audience members might not know the planets, but you'd be wrong. You could argue that these films are to introduce a new audience to the Star Wars universe and they are, but that is not the reason. Every film of the Star Wars saga has aimed to introduce new people to it. The Force Awakens was to introduce new people to the saga. Did it need title cards? No.

We have never known the planets. It's part of the drama. Where are we now? You'll find out later in the dialogue. It also helps create the feeling of a vast, foreign galaxy. 9 year olds didn't need title cards for the planets in 1977 and I see now evidence that 9 year olds have gotten progressively stupider since then. Right out of the gate this smacks of a studio that lost its nerve without JJ Abrams at the helm and a studio that doesn't actually understand Star Wars. 

The dialogue is utter pants which is born from character that don't have any decent drives or conflicts. Characters voice their inner most thoughts which sucks all the drama out of every scene. This is dialogue reminiscent of the prequel trilogy. Which leads to some good actors doing the best they can with what they have. Show me don't tell me. This is a drama adage as old as time.

This is the biggest bugbear for me and I can't believe no one else has noticed. Technology is one of the things that separates Star Wars from Star Trek.  Both take place in technologically advanced universes. Star Trek is our future and Star Wars takes place in the past. Technology is featured constantly in Star Wars but rarely mentioned. Star Trek is all about the technology. How it works, why it works and how they can adapt a bit of technology to help the crew out of whatever fix they maybe in. Rogue One had a lot of technical jargon that distracted me and didn't feel like a Star Wars film. In the first few scenes Storm Troopers ask to see some "Scat Docs" where as in 1977 on Tatooine they simply asked to see Luke's identification. It's a tiny thing. But it shows a gross miss understanding of the Star Wars universe. Put simply in Star Wars R2 D2 just works. In Star Trek we would know exactly how he works.

The score was a huge misstep. By the end of Rogue One you realise that we're are pressing up against the beginning of A New Hope. Ie if the film had gone on a few seconds longer we would have seen Vader give chase to Leia's Blockade Runner. With that in mind there is no excuse to not using the classic themes. Only moments before, Vader stands lightsaber in hand having just cut down a corridor full of rebels. An awesome scene I might add. He stands looking out at the vanishing Blockade Runner. The first few notes of the Imperial March begin and then the last note is different. That is something that can be said of the entire film. Every time it starts to get a little bit like Star Wars, something happens that pulls you out of the experience and the overall feeling is one of frustration. 

While we're on the subject of Vader. This is something that is nearly perfect. Even details like going back to the original helmet mould give Vader a feeling of familiarity that was absent in the prequels. The voice has lost the clean processed edge of Episode 3 and gone back to the more dirty, bassey incarnation of Empire and Return of The Jedi. He looks like Vader, sounds like Vader and is scary once again! Some people have balked at the pun he used but personally that didn't annoy me.

Why in Jabba's slug balls does the Vader scene take place on Mustfar (the only planet without a title card).

In early concept art for ANH Vader had a home planet made of laver with a castle on it. It never made the final film because even Gorge Lucas realised this was a monumentally shit idea. Vader's home looks like his closest neighbour is Lord Salron. 

Just move Vader's scene into the Death Star. It would have had context then. You can see from the trailers that Krennic and Vader did have scenes on the Death Star in the original cut. More of these scenes would have required less of CGI Tarkin.

Vader and Krennic argue aboard the Death Star in an original cut. 

CGI Tarkin - everyone in the industry is patting themselves on the back over bringing Peter Cushing back to life. It's giving me feelings of the Emperors New Clothes. If we tell everyone it's great then people will start believing it. There is no doubt, that without 3D body scans, recreating Tarkin from studying old film and photos is a massive technical achievement! But as good as it - is it's still terrible. The blinking of the eyes, the mouth moving, the teeth. All serve to create feel slightly off kilter and pull me out the scene. Tarkin is introduced with his face reflected in a window. It was amazing, subtle, and the nature of the reflection made up for the glaring imperfections that would be apparent later.

Doesn't he look great?

You could have made the main conflict been between Krennic and Vader about the nature of power. It's clear from the trailer that before the reshoots that they did have scenes together on the Death Star. Finally, Krennic could have been summoned to Tarkin's office. Tarkin tells him that he is taking command. We basically have the same scene that we had in the film but loose the audience of Imperial Officers. Tarkin remains gazing out the window. He's so powerful and confident he doesn't need to look at Krennic. We get a great scene and Tarkin never looks wank. Ultimately we aren't taken out of the scene.

Reusing the fighter pilots from ANH. This bit scares me. Reusing fighter pilots makes total sense. They haven't been killed yet (in the time line). There is every chance they would have been at the battle of Scariff. It's a move I probably would have made as a director. In reality they just feel like cameos and cameos suck. They're a wink to the audience that usually pull you right out of the experience. "Red 5, Red 5" is heard over the comms channel. Isn't that Luke's call sign? But Luke hasn't joined the rebellion yet. Oh I see there was another XWing pilot with the same call sign who died before the battle of Yavin, isn't that clever? No it's boring. It reeks of terrible sequel writing.  At time of writing Screen Rant posted, 15 Cameos you missed in Rogue One. Nah. I didn't miss them. Each was a reminder that I was watching a film based on another, better film. This was for fans, apparently. Why not just concentrate on making your own "stand alone movie" actually stand alone. I'm a fan. That's what I wanted.

Look everyone, it's R2 and Threepo - APPLAUSE! They practically wave at the audience in a momentary scene so jarring it's like trying to floss your anus with barbed wire. I would certainly consider myself amongst the die hard Star Wars fans. That bit wasn't for me. I LOVE R2 and Threepo. Threepo, claims he's not very good at telling stories yet is telling us one of the greatest stories ever told. He's always scared of the situation and on another level the story they're in the process of telling. R2 being brash, always wants to continue with the tale by going forward in the adventure. I happily could have watched this whole film and not missed the droids. They weren't necessary. It wasn't their story. 

I don't like Jyn. It's not Felicity Jones' fault. She did the best she could with what she had. The only chance we have to connect with her is seeing her mother die in front of her and her father be taken away by Director Krennic. The mother's death is utterly inconsequential. It's never mentioned again. 

It's like Martha Wayne. Bruce only ever mourns his parents together or his father. Never gives a toss about his mother.

So that just leaves Jyn's Dad being taken away. Parent/child relationships is Disney's staple diet. My heart strings are about to be ripped out of my chest right? We're supposed to care because it's her Dad. But we never seen what that means. Just one scene with her Dad teaching her how to fix something in the home. Or him teaching her about the world. Maybe we see she has a mechanical aptitude, like her father. Wouldn't that come in handy? Especially if she's going to become a resistance fighter. Give us something special in their relationship that is lost. 

This really is prequel level writing reminiscent of Anakin and Padme. We're supposed to care because we're told they can't be together. Do we care? No, because there is NOTHING in their relationship that makes us want them to be together. This same lack of writing affects Jyn's relationship with Saw Gerrera too. Jyn becomes one of his resistance fighters for a while before he abandons her - we never see this - we are told. If we had seen Saw training a young Jyn. Building on the knowledge her father gave her. Seeing Saw become trusted by her, a surrogate father. Jyn's love for him growing and then him ultimately betraying her. We would have been hurt. We would have understood her reservations when the Rebel Alliance asks for her help to meet him. We should have been with her, wanting her not to go back to this man who can't be trusted.

Consequentially Jyn and Saw's meeting means NOTHING.

I've got no reason to be with the main character and it would have been so easy to fix.

Donny Yen's portrayal  of a blind monk is amusing. Is he force sensitive or just a nutter butter? 

His death is ultimately meaningless too. FILM CRITIC HULK suggested his death would have real weight if - Chirrut Imwe (Yen) walks into the war zone speaking his mantra. Gets shot. While on his knees he reaches out desperately towards the switch...reaching -- SUDDENLY the switch flicks down. Imwe knows the force has answered him and dies knowing his faith hasn't been blind. Wouldn't that have been an amazing moment?? I would have screamed!

This film thinks it has balls because it kills off all the characters, but if you don’t care about them the deaths are meaningless. People often mistake the deaths in Game of Thrones as a reason why its good. That's it at face value but not the whole reason. It's good because they take the time to get you emotionally invested in all the characters then you feel for them. You are worried for them all the time. If they didn't feel there was enough time to do this they could have simply given everyone a specific task on the beach. Then at least when they died it would have affected the plot. I felt nothing for any character except K-2SO.

K-2SO a reprogrammed imperial droid, violent and dry witted. At times a little too much, but he is a stark contrast to the likes of beloved Threepeo and R2. When the first of many laser bolts rip through his chassis I felt myself think oh Christ. He was one of the few characters their was a reason to like. It was superficial, but I felt something.

Star Wars is famous for intercutting several stories in the final act. Return Of The Jedi cut between Han and Leia on Endor, Luke and Vader on the Death Star, and Lando in Space.

The space battle is visually what we have come to expect from Star Wars. Except one thing. There isn't a single person in the space battle that we care about. We aren't with the Rebels because they're Rebels - It's not enough. 

Ben Daniels (Law & Order UK) is one of the finest actors in this film. Criminally underused. They could have made him more prominent... actually scratch that. Make Bodie (the defector) a fighter pilot instead of a freighter pilot. He could still have been on the defence force assigned to Galen Erso's outpost. Put him in the final battle in space. Lets see Bodhi being brave and heroic before sacrificing himself for the greater good.

I find it hard to believe that so many people at Disney made these mistakes. Somewhere on a hard disk Garath Edwards original cut exists.

Death Star plans cleanly made it out of the installation in the original cut

I would pay pure money to see it. I’d wager it was a better film. Supposedly the film was too dark. Firstly, I'll bet it wasn't. Secondly, I would have excepted a consistent tone over the mess of this one. The tone of this film should have been Empire Strikes Back. The strongest Star Wars film. Instead it's all over the place. People are saying it doesn't work because it's a war film. THEY'RE ALL WAR FILMS... wait wasn't this supposed to be a heist movie? Oceans 11 in space? The Dirty Dozen in space? A misfit band of Rebels and thieves coming together to steal plans to the Empire's most feared weapon. I would have paid cash money to have seen that film. 

On the web there are some strange Rogue One apologists. 

"This is just a filler movie" - Fuck you, entertain me!

"They don't want to be too good or it will distract from the main trilogy" - Fuck you, entertain me!

"They're finding their feet" - Fuck you, entertain me!

This is a film for the fans - I'm a massive fan. Fuck you entertain me!

"The acting doesn't have to be good it's Star Wars  - you have $200,000,000 at your disposal, hire someone better to fucking entertain me!

People rightly accuse The Force Awakens of being A New Hope all over again. Those people are correct and there is zero denying it. That was the film that had to play it safe. That was the film that had to remind us that Star Wars could be good again. Despite its glaring comparisons it was charming and entertaining. 

I won't be watching the Han Solo spin off. Coz frankly if they don't care enough, why should I?